life is catching up with me

Y'know how sometimes everything in life seems to come so easy? You feel like you're just walking around on air, everything is going your way, and nothing can bring you down?

This is not one of those times.

Around April/May of 2008 I started having insane anxiety. I'm already sort of prone to anxiety, which I blame on sharing the womb with another human being and then being expected to go through life by myself. Seriously, what's up with that? But anyway, last year I was graduating and making a huge move both mentally (to a master's program) and physically (to China). Even though I had a plan, the future seemed so big and scary and out of my control.

It appears that April/May of 2009 is making me feel the same way I did last year. I'm having trouble sleeping and I'm constantly thinking about what I will be doing when I get home this summer and finish my thesis. I know everything will work out, it always does, but I can't help myself from running through all the possibilities in my head over and over again until my clock reads 4:15AM and I realize I need to get at least a couple hours of sleep before I teach in the morning. It's a heinous cycle and I don't know how to quit it.

To top things off, my parents are selling our house. After I graduated from undergrad I knew I would never "live at home" again, but the prospect of never even being able to visit or see my house again makes me sad. I didn't think it would, but it does. My parents already packed up all my stuff and moved it out of my room. In some ways I'm grateful because it saves me the trouble of having to do it myself, but it's going to be weird coming home in July knowing that I won't be able to go home. As a side note, Twin recently bought a house and I'll be living with her when I get home, so I won't be a vagabond or anything.

When we moved six years ago I knew that this house was my parents house more than it was mine. I was entering college at the time and would eventually have to leave the nest, so when my parents asked for my opinion on whether or not we should move I told them it was up to them. It wouldn't be my home for much longer, so it was their decision where they wanted to live when all the kids were gone and they retired.

Well, they made their decision, and it turns out that their future isn't at that house afterall, but in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. After they bought their Mexican home a couple of years ago, I always knew they would end up in Cabo San Lucas. I just didn't realize that they would end up their so soon.

I can't blame them, really. I mean, look at their effing view:


They moved a bunch of their stuff down there this past weekend and plan on staying until...well, they don't really know for sure. My dad will be back in a few weeks to take care of the businesses and anything that needs to be done with the sale of the house, but my mom and little sister have no plans for returning any time soon.

On the plus side, they took Tater Tot which means I get to make a trip to Cabo this summer to get him!