local celebrity

I've been in China nearly two weeks. It's weird because in some ways that's such a short amount of time, but I feel as if it was ages ago that I was running through the airport in San Francisco silently praying that I wouldn't miss my flight. Well, I made it, and so far I'm surviving.

It's been so hectic getting acclimated to the 15-hour time difference, creating a schedule for my graduate courses, and thinking of lessons for the three different classes I'm teaching, so I've barely had time to relax much less sight see. This weekend I thought I'd go crazy if I stayed on campus so Romy and I took a trip to the Bund.

The Bund is a district in Shanghai, I think. I mean, I don't really know how to describe it, I just know what it is. A lot of tourists go there and take pictures. It's basically just a wharf overlooking a bunch of cool looking buildings that line the Huangpu River. It looks like this:

Romy and I took a lot of pictures of each other with the river and city skyline in the background, since that's pretty much the only thing to do at the Bund. Some guy came up to us and asked, "Can I take picture?" and we assumed he meant take a picture of the two of us since we were unable to get any together, but I'm weary of handing off my camera to strangers so I said no and he started to laugh nervously and then apologized, when Romy realized he wanted to take a picture with me, not for me.

So I laughed and said sure. It happened once more before we left the wharf, I'm toying with the idea of charging 5RMB a photo or something, y'know, for a little "mad money". The Naked Cowboy gets away with it in New York, why can't I do the same thing in China? I could be the Naked Cowgirl of Shanghai, only not naked. And not a cowgirl.

My friend Penny who is also a blond American got asked to hold someone's baby while they took a picture of her. I'm keeping my fingers crosses someone asks me that, because that's just awesome.

life lesson #1

If someone begins a sentence with the words "I don't mean to be rude, but..." or "I don't mean to be mean, but..." they are about to be rude and/or mean.

supporting child labor in every country

Since all the products at American Walmarts are made by small children in China, do Walmarts IN China get their products from here, too, or are they supplied by another developing country that's being exploited for its cheap labor?

I have no idea. My guess would be that it all still comes from China, but since all the product labels are in Chinese I couldn't say for sure.

Either way, I went to Walmart today with my friend Romy (she's the "Romy" to my "Michele") and it was fabulous. It reminded me a lot of home, just seeing that giant yellow smiley face and all the signs for "rollbacks". I don't even shop at Walmart in the States, but shopping at Walmart here in China comforted me.

Something that's always interesting when you're visiting (or living, in my case) somewhere foreign is how many mistakes you make from simply not knowing the language. So far I haven't really built up the courage to attempt full-on conversations with locals or anything, so it's not language mistakes yet. For the time being, it's mostly accidental purchases. Like purchasing sweet sliced bread instead of regular white bread. Or salty, sour-seasoned dried orange peels instead of "dried plums" like the package indicated.

It's really just a trial and error thing until I learn more than two characters (ni and hao, which are never on product labels anyway). Everything is an adventure in China, even grocery shopping! Every day I go in with my list of things to buy, wondering what little surprises I might encounter. For example, did you know that they don't sell ANY sunscreen in China? It's true. For as much as Chinese women like to walk around with parasols to protect their skin from UV rays, they don't have entire aisles devoted to sunscreen like in the United States. I found one bottle, after look at four stores, and it was 80RMB, which is super expensive, especially since it was only 2 ounces.

They have a wider selection (maybe four or five brands to choose from) of sunblock that doubles as a skin whitener, but putting bleach on my skin is 1. not necessary for me 2. not something I want to experiment with here in China.

the most important thing

A colleague of mine (I'm so important now being in China and all that I have colleagues, not co-workers) came in today after teaching 12th grade International Relations and told me how much the students liked me.

"Oh really?" I asked, hoping he'd give me more details.
"Yeah, they all said you were super nice."
"Anything else?"
"They all thought you were really pretty."
"Well, that's the most important thing, isn't it?"

anyone can be a poet

Even Michael Phelps! Who I just happen to be in a fake relationship with on facebook. How effing SWEET is that?

Today in my 8th grade class we discussed four short poems. I thought they were all pretty boring, but I had given my students homework on them so I didn't want to just throw the whole lesson plan out and do something new. They seemed to like them, which is ultimately the most important thing when you're teaching I suppose. But in the future, I'm going to steer clear of poetry.

I feel like poetry is one of those things you either love or hate. And I hate it. So, trying to explain something that I hate to people that don't know anything about it wasn't the most enjoyable way to spend 80 minutes of my life.

I've only been a teacher for three days, so I can't exactly "wing it" yet if I start discussing something then want to switch to another topic. To buy some time while I thought of a way to make the material fun, I threw them a hand-out and had them work in groups for 15 minutes. Thank God for group work.

I don't know how it happened, but suddenly, out of nowhere, a creative on-topic activity just came to me. It was like, the angel of English literature for junior high flew down from the heavens and presented me with the best idea ever. Well, maybe not ever, but the best idea I've had so far in terms of teaching.

I read the four poems again out loud then asked my students which poem sounded the most like a song they might hear on the radio. One student mentioned poem #1, another poem #2, and so I had the class vote. Once a consensus was reached I gave them instructions to re-write the poem as if it were a song they might hear on the radio. They could choose to mimic the style of the poem, the theme, or just use a word that was in the poem. They also had to choose a singer that would sing the song.

The class is comprised of four boys and four girls and so far they've wanted to stay separated by gender and I've let them since it's their first week and I'm still trying to feel them out in terms of their abilities and willingness to participate. The girls were super excited and immediately started buzzing about what their song lyrics would be.

The boys...were less excited. Well, that's not exactly right, they had plenty to SAY about the assignment, but they weren't really producing much (/anything) so I had to push them a little more by telling them they wouldn't be excused for lunch until it was completed. That was all the motivation they needed.

They had trouble deciding on a singer, so I told them they could choose any famous person, and in true Olympic spirit they chose Michael Phelps. Adorable, right?

This is the original poem, by Shel Silverstein:
"Forgotten Language"
Once I spoke the language of the flowers,
Once I understood each word the caterpillar said,
Once I smiled in secret at the gossip of the starlings,
And shared a conversation with the housefly
in my bed.
Once I heard and answered all the questions
of the crickets,
And joined the crying of each falling dying
flake of snow,
Once I spoke the language of the flowers...
How did it go?
How did it go?

Their version, by Michael Phelps:
"Yo"
Once I spoke the language of the fish.
Once I understood each word the octopus said.
Once I made friends with a white shark.
And shared my gold medal with the
big whale.
Once I swam 100km with the dolphin.

let the teaching begin

I don't want to jinx myself since I haven't had my 12th graders yet, so I'll refrain from making any generalizations about the students until after my class with the older kids tomorrow morning. But let's just say that I survived, so that's something.

I introduced myself briefly to the 12th graders today before my school had a big welcoming ceremony for the entire international division. It all happened so fast I can't really make any kind of judgments about them, except that there are some native-born Americans in the class. And they at least seemed to think I was cute, even if they didn't care about what I was saying.

I fibbed a little and said I was San Francisco since most Chinese people know where that is, and really, I'm close enough.

During the welcoming ceremony they called out the name of each foreign teacher and we had to stand up and sort of wave to the auditorium. All the students clapped after each teacher stood up, but they totally started hooting and hollering for me. It was kind of embarrassing, but I have to admit, it was mostly flattering.

I swear, it's all about the blond hair here. It totally sets me apart from 95% of the Americans. I'm hoping to use it to my advantage in my classrooms. Y'know, the boys think I'm cute so they'll be more inclined to behave better because they want to impress me. Either that, or they'll be total monsters as a way of "getting my attention".

My eighth graders were pretty nice, and paid attention most of the time. There's 9 of them and 3 of them know absolutely no English, which I wasn't prepared for. I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to lesson plan for such a wide range of English comprehension (extremely limited to fluent). We'll see how it goes.

We played a fun icebreaking game at the beginning of class. I had each person choose a food that started with the same first letter as their name, then we stood in a circle and each person had to introduce themselves in a clock-wise fashion, with each person having to say the names of the person (or people) that went before them. It was a great way to learn everyone's names really fast.

I find it so much easier to remember names if I associate them with something else. Lettuce Lisa...who could forget that? My favorite was Spaghetti Sean. Or Caramel Cindy. I don't know! The food choices were all so cute!

lots more pencils, lots more books, lots more students' dirty looks

Today is my first day of teaching, wish me...something, anything. I don't even care if it's "luck" at this point.

Hooray for 2-hour morning assemblies that cancel my 1st period 12th grade class! But I still have a bunch of 8th graders to contend with post-lunch.

Where's my lucky rabbit's foot when I need it?

now, turn your head and then cough

In order to get a Chinese visa to live or work in China, you have to turn in a bunch of paperwork, pay a big fee, and get a physical examination in the United States before you arrive. Oh, and apparently you ALSO need to get a physical examination when you get to China.

Do you remember getting a physical exam for high school or junior high? Probably not. In the United States they're pretty uneventful experiences, for my most recent one my doctor glanced at my chart, did a quick exam of my lungs with a stethoscope, took a quick look at my throat and ears, then signed me off as healthy and ready to work.

Not so in China.

Chinese physicals are much more intense than any kind of medical ANYTHING I've had done in the United States. I'm a pretty healthy girl, so I don't have a ton of experience in hospitals, but trust me, my Chinese hospital experience takes the cake.

To start things off, we had to leave the school at 6:45 in the morning. I'm still pretty out of it from the 15 hour time difference between here and home, anxious about teaching, and feel like a child because of the whole not being able to speak the host language thing, so I was pretty much a walking zombie when we got to the hospital, which was a good hour van ride away.

All eleven foreign teachers I'm working with were required to go through the physical examination. We handed someone at the front desk our passports, were given a form to fill out and a slip of paper with a number, then pointed in the direction of a waiting area.

In the waiting area numbers were called out slowly and we had to go into a little room where a webcam sat on the desk taking our photograph as the assistant grabbed our forms from us and inputed them into the system.

This whole time none of us have any idea what's going on, since none of us speak Chinese and no one there spoke English.

We all have to go change into gowns, which is where it got interesting. We put our belongings into small lockers, and then preceded to be pushed and shoved from one room to the next with no explanation at all. If hospitals could be assembly lines, this hospital would be the model to which all other hospitals aspired to be like. Each room had a different purpose, and each patient was seen for about 2 minutes maximum by each "doctor". Who even knows what kind of degrees these people had.

I had to have about half a dozen different procedures done, and it was all done so quickly that I didn't even have time to protest. I stood on this metal thing, that apparently took my weight and height through some kind of laser beam, but I didn't see or feel anything so I really don't know how it all worked.

Next, I was pushed into this dark room with one single light in the far corner. The being pushed thing was the most unnerving aspect of it all (at least initially), because it made me feel completely out of control of what was going on. I had a chest x-ray, but at the time didn't realize that was what was going on until the guy shoved my chest against the machine and shouted something in Chinese in my ear.

Then I had to get blood taken. I'm not even going to mention the statistics on dirty needles in China to you, but I had no choice so I did it. They looked clean to me, and it seemed like they were using new needles each time, but who knows what they did with the needles afterward or if they re-used them from day to day or what.

Next was an eye exam which was pretty standard. Every room was so big with just a small desk and a doctor sitting there. For some reason it reminded me of Saw in terms of the overall ambiance of the place (dark, grimy, full of shadows). It's never a good sign to be reminded of a horror movie when you're at the doctor. After testing my sight, the doctor shoved a light up my nose and then aggressively pointed for me to leave.

I sat in the hall with a bunch of other bewildered foreigners for a few minutes, waiting for the ultrasound room to be free. Both men and women had to get ultrasounds of their stomachs and lower abdomens. Good news people, I'm not pregnant! No actually, I still don't know what they were looking for and what they found, and I'll probably never know.

After being poked to the point of bruising by the ultrasound technician, I had to get an EKG. The EKG machine was very archaic looking (like everything else in the hospital) and instead of plastic sensors everything had little metal suction cups on it. Very strange.

Finally, I had my "general examination" which consisted of a woman nurse rubbing on my stomach then asking "You have surgery???" I was kinda confused as to whether she meant EVER, or if I was to have surgery sometime later that day, so I just went with "No".

After that, I was pulled back into the changing area, where I put my clothes back on and prayed that they used clean needles.

Note to self: don't get sick here.

mooncakes: NOT "out of this world'

I had to use some sort of space pun in the title of this post, and "out of this world" was the only thing my jet-lagged brain could think of.

On the 15th day of the 8th lunar month (usually September) of the Chinese calendar there is a festival known as the Mid-Autumn festival or Moon festival. I actually don't know too much about it, but I hear lanterns are somehow involved as well as the consumption of a Chinese pastry known as a mooncake.

Pastry you say? Cake you say? I'm totally in! I had to try one of these things, because 1. it's so Chinese and 2. there's a giant display of about 100 different mooncake varieties in the Carrefour (French version of Walmart here in Shanghai) where I shop.

Verdict: nasty. I lived in France for 9 months and became a total fatty from over consumption of pastries and bread, so I'm somewhat of an expert when it comes to the deliciousness of baked goods. If you can bake it, I've probably eaten it. More than once. I've sworn to never go down that road again (fat does not equal fabulous, in case you were confused), so it's probably a good thing that I absolutely hated the little mooncake thing.

I'm surprised that anything with the word "cake" in it could actually taste bad, but the Chinese pulled it off! They're also pretty pricey, the cheapest one was about 8RMB. I could buy a whole bowl of noodles at a sit down restaurant for that price. I took one bite and tossed it in the trash.

But I did try it, and that has to count for something.

it's raining cats and dogs

Or acid from all the air pollution, same difference.

The weather here has been completely crazy. The first day it was super sunny with blue skies (which I had heard were the Chinese equivalent of seeing a unicorn) and then the last few days have been very gray.

Not gray because it's going to rain or anything, just gray because the air is so filled with smog and other pollutants. Minus today, because today it actually IS raining. I'm sort of afraid to go outside in it. The photograph above is from my balcony.

The water here is very dirty, and I'm sure rain water is no different. All tap water has a sort of yellowish tint to it, and it smells very metallic. A mixture of iron or nickel or something, I'm not exactly sure. It's very strange though, because you can smell it in the tea in restaurants and stuff.

Keep in mind, I'm in Shanghai. The largest port city in the world. As far as the environment, sewage, and sanitation, it is important to remember that despite it's ever-growing position of power on a global scale, China is still a developing country. We experienced our industrial revolution 150 years ago, they're experiencing it now. So I'm not exactly shocked by the overall dirtiness here, just, well, unprepared? I'm not sure how else to describe it.

it should be called "LeFakesac"

I experienced my first ever, real life, Chinese bargaining showdown today at a market in Pudong.

There are tons of markets all over Shanghai where they sell pretty much anything you could imagine ever even thinking about wanting such as a personalized parasol, a tapestry of a fat panda in the forest, or some Russian nesting dolls that look like Chinese people. I had a goal today, though, and that goal was some good old-fashioned knockoff handbags.

Honestly, I'm completely against knockoffs in the States. It's not so much a snob thing, because it doesn't really matter to me if I can tell someone is wearing a fake Gucci or not (and trust me, purse people can tell). There's just something about me knowing that the handbag I'm wearing isn't genuine that I don't like. So if I can't afford it, I just don't buy it. It's that simple.

I didn't bring any of my nice purses here, mainly because I didn't want them to get filthy from the extremely polluted air or by using them on a day to day basis and setting them down on dirty streets at restaurants or Metro seats. I brought one black leather bag because I figure, even if the leather gets affected by the pollution, it won't show it like a fabric bag or something.

The only problem is, the black leather bag has a magnetic closure which is cute and fun, but not very safe or practical for a city of 20 million people who all crowd onto the Metro with me at 6 PM.

I wanted needed something that was big, had a large enough strap to throw over my shoulder, and had a zip all the way along the top. I also didn't want to spend an arm and a leg on it, because what's the point? I'd rather have something I wouldn't be broken up about getting ruined, since it probably will be ruined after 10 months here.

When scoping out the market, the purse that seemed to best suit all my purchase qualifications was a LeSportsac. Of course, they have about 300 different fabric options to choose from, and at least 100 different stalls selling the same kind of stuff, so just finding a place with the fabric/style I wanted took a while.

And remember, these vendors are trying to maintain the guise that these are "best quality! Very authentic! Real! Straight from manufacturer!" So it's not like they have a huge sign saying "fake bags, super cheap!" They're trying to pawn them off as the real thing, baby. Obviously, most people know better, but some of the higher end fakes were still very pricey (like Chloe or D&G).

Currently, it's about 1USD to every 7RMB, so if you're paying 21RMB for something, that's only 3 bucks in the states. HOWEVER, I am making way below poverty level in the states (salaries in China are no where close to salaries in the US because it's so much cheaper to live here), so you can't really have the "Well it's only ___ in the US" mindset when shopping. Vendors are asking you for RMB and they expect you to be thinking in terms of RMB, not dollars.

I wanted two LeSportsac bags. One large one with a poppy pattern (I LOVE poppies!) and a small one with an art deco-ish bird pattern. Initially, the woman quoted me over 400RMB for the two. We checked out purse vendors near-by, and it seemed like this was pretty much the "going rate" for these purses.

But, Chinese vendors expect you to bargain with them. In fact, they would be slightly offended if you didn't. I say slightly because I'm sure there immense happiness over making a ton more money on a item they would have sold at a 1/4 of the asking price tends to outweigh any feelings of offense. Still, it's a customary thing to do and the vendors are expecting you to do it.

My advice: totally low-ball them. Whatever they say, respond with an offer of about 20% of that price. They'll act offended and dismayed that a person would even think of offering such a low price, but they'll continue to bargain with you until you both reach a price you have agreed on. Generally, you should stay in the 25%-35% range from the initial asking price, definitely never over 50%. And if one vendor is acting extremely non-willing to work with you, just remember, this is China, there's tons of fake stuff to sell, and tons of Chinese people who will be willing to do it.

They say 400RMB? Shoot back with "Hm, I'll only go for 50RMB" This will bring on a lot of huffing and puffing by the vendor, who will sometimes even grab you and say "LADY YOU CRAZY!!!! THIS IS BEST QUALITY!! 5 ZIPPERS!" Then she'll get out her calculator and type some numbers on it and hand it over to you with 320 on the screen, insisting "THIS BEST PRICE! I GIVE TO YOU!". Then you'll be like "Oh, I dunno....I don't even need zippers....I mean what are zippers, anyway?...." and sort of walk out of the stall, where she'll grab you and shout "WHAT BEST PRICE FOR YOU, TELL ME!!!" and you'll say 50 again, and she will shout and call you lady and say "THIS IS JOKE! THAT IS JOKE PRICE!"

This back and forth will continue for several minutes, she'll come down lower in her price, probably like 120RMB or so, and then you'll say something like "No, I'm only willing to spend 60RMB." and then she'll say 85, and you'll say 70, and then she huff and buffs and calls you lady some more until you start to walk out then she runs after you and says "OK OK! JUST FOR YOU!!! JUST FOR YOU I GIVE YOU THIS DEAL!! GEEZ LADY!" And then you'll walk away with two totally cute, albeit totally fake, LeSportsac purses for 70RMB, and everyone (i.e. me) is happy.

XOXO & potstickers,
Strawberry

ni hao from china!

I made it to Shanghai safe and sound, despite my initial mishaps at the airport. My flight from Vancouver to China didn't seem as long as it really was (nearly 13 hours), probably because I was asleep most of the time. I managed to watch two movies, which was pretty awesome and they had a huge selection to choose from. Foreign carriers are so much better than any American airline out there, if you ask me. Everyone got their own touch screen video monitor and there were about 25 movies, 30 or so different TV shows, a bunch of video games, and an endless selection of music to choose from. Go Air Canada!

The food was very strange, sort of a mixture of Chinese and American food, but they had these cute mini-soy sauces that were in plastic fish containers. I don't know why anyone would want soy sauce for mashed potatoes, but when in Rome, I guess. We got two meals and then right before we landed everyone got a Cup O' Noodles which made me laugh. It seems a little dangerous to serve soup right before landing, doesn't it?

I'm still jet-lagged and have been waking up at 5AM every morning. I wouldn't mind if that side effect of jet-lagginess continued because I've been getting a ton of stuff done in the mornings when everyone else is sleeping.

Overall, China is nothing like what I was expecting. People tell you all these things about a country before you go, and then when you actually get there it seems like everything is different than what you've heard. There are pretty much NO white people here, which is totally fine by me because I want (and need) to make Chinese friends, but I was told there was a huge ex-pat population in Shanghai, specifically in the area of town where I am living (Pudong).

Me and some friends took the metro last night and we were the only white people in a sea of Asians. I tend to stand out because of my hair, which is a good and bad thing. Good because people always come up to me and want to talk, bad because people always come up to me and want to talk. It's a double-edged sword. Maybe in a few days when I'm not so tired all the time I'll feel more comfortable experimenting with my Chinese, but at this point I don't even remember any of the 2 months of instruction I had and have been surviving off of "ni hao" and "xie xie" and a lot of pointing to things.

plenty of misadventures already

My flight left San Francisco at 6 o'clock this morning which meant I needed to be there at 4 AM which meant I needed to leave my house by 2:30. Well, I personally hate SFO because when compared to other huge international airports, the layout is a total mess. Of course we got semi-lost just trying to find the departure area since there was no "Air Canada" in the international area. And this was before we even got out of the car.

We ended up finding where we thought we were supposed to be, but after 45 minutes of waiting and the clock ticking closer to 5 AM, I called Air Canada customer service and asked what time the check-in area at SFO is supposed to open. Long, boring story short, we were in the wrong area, and had to go to some area of the airport I had no idea even existed and of course the lines were HUGE and my flight was scheduled to leave in under an hour. Keep in mind they close check-in 45 minutes prior to take off.

We start off in one line but then we're told we can't be there so they send us to another line. That line was gigantic so I went and pleaded with some lady who sent us to another line. And this whole time me, Mom, and Dad are lugging my two 50 pound bags around and my carry-on across the airport.

At last, some wonderful little man in a knit sweater checks me in and I think I'm in the clear as I skip off to security...then the security guy tells me my carry-on is too big and I need to empty some of the bulk. Um, that's nice, but at this point it's 5:30, I have NO WHERE to empty "the bulk" AND I still have to go through security. Mom ran off and got this huge plastic bag that they wrap around some strangely shaped luggage (my hiking back pack, for example) and I dump all my school books into it and show Mr. Security High-and-Mighty that my carry-on is smaller and lug the suitcase, my purse, and a giant plastic bag through security.

I made it to the gate right before it closed (think Home Alone frantic running through the airport shenanigans), then proceeded to sleep the entire 2 hour trip to Vancouver. I have an hour and a half before I board my plane to Shanghai. Is it possible to back out at this point?

guess the dish 8/16/08 answer!

There were a lot of good guesses (curry, mystery stew) and several bad guesses (barf)...the REAL answer is Ghorme Sabzi! Ghorme Sabzi is a Persian dish made up of a mixture of greens (fenugreek, parsley, coriander), kidney beans, onions, saffron water, and dried Persian lemons. I've had this dish at least a dozen times because it's Rod's favorite so he always used to bring it back to school with him after breaks, and I finally decided to take the plunge and try it out myself!

Prep time took about an hour and then the stew had to simmer on the stove for nearly 4 hours. It was SO worth it though. It tasted, smelled, and looked like the real thing! Hooray! I love when food experiments turn out fabulous.

china update

Okay, so my header has proclaimed that this blog is the "mis-adventures of a redhead in China" for over two months, yet all I ever seem to talk about is my dog and baking cupcakes. So, I thought a China update was long overdue.

Currently, I am NOT in China. I'm still in good ol' California. I had two months of summer school to prep me for the coursework I'll be teaching and studying while abroad and then a three week break before my departure to the land of Mao. I have about six days left in the states, my plane takes off from SFO on Sunday August 24th.

For those of you who don't memorize every bit of information I put on this blog (oh, for shame!), I'm a graduate student working towards a Master of Arts in International Studies with a concentration on International Education. Part of the program includes taking part in an internship, for me that internship is a teaching position with an international high school. I will be teaching some type of humanities coursework (won't find out exactly what until I get to China) and it will be in English. I also have to complete a research project as part of my master's thesis while I'm in China.

I will be living in the Pudong area of Shanghai, which is on the east coast of China. The high school where I will be teaching is a boarding school so I will be living on campus with other teachers as well as students. Pudong has a big ex-pat population so I won't feel completely lost and alone, thankfully. Just to give you an idea of how HUGE China is, Shanghai alone has a population of over 20 million people and it is also the largest port in the world.

I know approximately four sentences in Mandarin, including "Hello, my name is ____", "Thank you", "My stomach hurts", and woah...guess I only know three sentences. I did take five weeks of Mandarin language courses, so I have a very basic knowledge of the language and know a handful of words and characters, but I plan on doing most of my language learning overseas.

I'm very anxious about the big move. I've had butterflies in my stomach for the past week just thinking about it, and nearly had a panic attack when I started to pack up all of my clothes. I'm flying over there with two other friends from school which I am SOOOO happy about because I think I would freak out if I landed in the Shanghai airport all alone and had to navigate around China after a 16 hour flight by myself.

guess the dish!

I like to experiment in the kitchen and try out new recipes and I thought I'd share a picture of what I made for dinner last night and see if any of you could guess what it is!


Hint: it's ethnic. Ha, but anything other than hot dogs could be considered "ethnic" if you think about it. Oh, that's another hint, it's not a hot dog.

tater tot the toothless wonder: update

Tater Tot went under the knife on Tuesday. He was very scared to be away from home for that long, and it was really sad to be Tater Tot-less for a whole day and night. Sometimes I sit back and reflect on how important Tater is in my life and I have to remind myself that he is a dog, not a child. But...well, I still act like a doting mother. I called the vet at 5 p.m. because I hadn't heard from their office all day and I wanted to see how the pup was doing. He had just gotten out of surgery and was doing fine but was still asleep. The doctor called me back 30 minutes later and was so sweet and explained the procedure and everything she did.

I won't go into details because there's nothing worse than reading about some gross surgery and then scrolling down to find a cupcake recipe, but Tater had a total five teeth removed (the doctor saved them and gave them to me, EW!). He was pretty groggy when I picked him up yesterday but he's doing just fine. He has been quieter than usual because I think his mouth still hurts, but if you ask me that's a good thing. He's very happy that he gets to eat delicious wet dog food instead of the usual dry food because it's too hard for his sensitive mouth.

Most importantly, thank you all so much for your support!! I honestly didn't think anyone would donate, but my friend Bebe suggested it and I thought "Yeah! Why not?" and was pleasantly surprised by your donations! It means a lot to me to know that outside of my real-life friends and family, I have the support of my blog-life friends and family. When I started this blog way back in December I figured Twin would read it, and maybe a few high school friends. I had no idea that I would meet such amazing people all around the world just by writing a silly blog. Thank you all for reading!

if anyone orders merlot, i'm leaving

I went wine tasting last night. Well, more like wine chugging for me. Ha, I am the worst wine taster ever. The pourers kept trying to explain the wines to me and it was very clear I wasn't even trying to listen to what they had to say "Uh huh, cool, can I get some more of that white wine? Oh you're out of that? Then more of whatever, it doesn't matter. Thanks."

I rarely ever drink, but when I do my motto is always "go big or go home" which I always end up regretting the next day. I woke up this morning at 6 AM, still intoxicated and feeling worse and worse with every minute. FYI, there is nothing on TV at 6 AM. My choices included: a travel show on roller coasters, men's singles tennis at the Olympics, and a history channel show on the different land speed records in the United States...aka the worst things to watch when you're trying to make the room stop spinning.

Currently, I'm feeling incredibly hung over, I'm still wearing my make up from last night, and I'm all sorts of congested for some reason. In other words, I feel, look, and sound like shit. I'm a triple threat today.

the luckiest day ever!

At least for the Chinese it is. 8 is the luckiest number in Chinese culture, so it wasn't a coincidence that the Beijing summer Olympics fall on 8/8/2008, that shit was planned out. Also, I heard that Zhang Yimou (one my favorite Chinese directors, I'm using two of his movies for my master's thesis) is "directing" the opening ceremony tonight. I hope everyone plans on watching it! My only regret is I didn't make Olympic themed cupcakes for the event, but media cupcake did so I can just dream that they're mine.

the world makes sense again!

The last few weeks of my life have been a little crazy, to say the least. Attempting to learn Mandarin in 5 weeks? Insane. Having class 8 hours a day? Tortuous. Packing up my life to move out of the country? Nuts.

So, when I logged on for about the 10th time yesterday to icanhascheezburger and saw that tomorrow is LOLcat day, none of that stuff seemed to matter anymore. Everything in my world seemed to make sense. How can I possibly worry about anything when it's LOLcat day? Answer: it's not possible!

I don't know what I'm going to do to celebrate this glorious holiday, it was kinda thrown at me last minute. Maybe I'll do a pet photo shoot with Tater Tot and Spongecat and make some LOLs out of them. Who knows! The possibilities are endless.

sprinkle's strawberry cupcake recipe

I was supposed to visit my besties today at Google but had to cancel last minute due to Tater drama. It was a very last minute decision to not go and I was super disappointed to have to reschedule, after all, I had already prepared for the trip. And by "prepared for the trip" I mean "made some delicious cupcakes." No guest should ever visit a person empty handed, in this girl's opinion.

A few weeks ago I shamefully stood in line for over an hour for something that did not result in a roller coaster ride or an iPhone 3G. It was for a Sprinkles Cupcake. Was it worth it? Yes. Would I stand in line that long ever again for a cupcake? No. But I mean, you can't live in SoCal and not try a Sprinkles cupcake at least once. It was my fault, I came two hours before closing and everyone else that thought "Hey, a cupcake would be a fun way to end the evening" was there along with me.

Imagine my delight when I found THE Sprinkles Cupcake strawberry recipe posted on Martha Stewart's website! Since it's strawberry season, and well, I am Strawberry, I just had to test it out. Results: absolutely delicious! And good thing is, you can use frozen strawberries and enjoy this delicious recipe all year long!

Sprinkles Strawberry Cupcakes

Ingredients
For Cupcakes:
2/3 cup whole fresh or frozen strawberries, thawed
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, sifted
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon coarse salt (or regular salt if you don't have coarse salt)
1/4 cup whole milk, room temperature
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature
1 cup sugar
1 large egg, room temperature
2 large egg whites, room temperature

For frosting:
1/2 cup whole frozen strawberries, thawed
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, firm and slightly cold
Pinch of coarse salt
3 1/2 cups confectioners' sugar, sifted
1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

HINT: Don't just set eggs on your counter, because, uh, eggs roll.

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line a 12-cup muffin tin with cupcake liners; set aside.

2. Place strawberries in a small food processor; process until pureed. You should have about 1/3 cup of puree, add a few more strawberries if necessary or save any extra puree for frosting; set aside.

3. In a medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, and salt; set aside. In a small bowl, mix together milk, vanilla, and strawberry puree; set aside.

4. In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream butter on medium-high speed, until light and fluffy. Gradually add sugar and continue to beat until well combined and fluffy. Reduce the mixer speed to medium and slowly add egg and egg whites until just blended.

5. With the mixer on low, slowly add half the flour mixture; mix until just blended. Add the milk mixture; mix until just blended. Slowly add remaining flour mixture, scraping down sides of the bowl with a spatula, as necessary, until just blended.

6. Divide batter evenly among prepared muffin cups. Transfer muffin tin to oven and bake until tops are just dry to the touch, 22 to 25 minutes. Transfer muffin tin to a wire rack and let cupcakes cool completely in tin before icing.

7. Place strawberries in the bowl of a small food processor; process until pureed. In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, beat together butter and salt on medium speed until light and fluffy. Reduce mixer speed and slowly add confectioners' sugar; beat until well combined. Add vanilla and 3 tablespoons strawberry puree (save any remaining strawberry puree for another use); mix until just blended. Do not overmix or frosting will incorporate too much air. Frosting consistency should be dense and creamy, like ice cream.

I added two different pink sugar sprinkles just for looks, but these babies are delicious with or without any kind of decoration. Mine didn't rise very high because I used self-rising flour instead of all-purpose flour which the recipe called for (I didn't have any and didn't feel like going to the grocery store), but it didn't affect taste at all.

tater tot the toothless wonder

A while ago Tater Tot and Smokey the Bandit (the raccoon that comes and steals cat food from us every night) got into an epic battle which surely would have ended with Tater Tot in a pool of blood and Smokey sneaking off into the night with cat food in his hands had my dad not broken it up. Tater Tot is all bark and no bite. He talks the talk, but can't walk the walk, and I don't know if any of you have ever seen an angry raccoon, but they friggin' run the walk. That's how intense they are.

Needless to say, I urged my parents to take Tater to the Vet to get rabies shots but since Tater acted fine post-battle they sort of forgot about it. Today I decided I should take him just to get checked out and get an update on all of his vaccinations. Not to mention, yesterday I noticed that one of his teeth was missing and I had a flashback to a few months back when yanked a cat food can from his mouth and thought, "OH NO, I pulled out one of his teeth!" I didn't do a thorough inspection or anything, but I figured it would be worth bringing up to the veterinarian if I was going to be in there anyway.

One hour, 3 walks around the parking lot, and lots of whining at the female pomeranian in heat sitting in the waiting room (hence the walks outside), I was informed by the veterinarian that Tater Tot's gums are severely infected. I don't know how this could happen. He gets professionally groomed ALL the time and they always brush his teeth. Supposedly. I know it isn't their fault, but I am very disappointed that they never brought it up to me that his teeth are in such bad shape. Do you ever inspect your dog's pearly whites? Because I don't!

Well, after I stopped crying hysterically and found a hankerchief in my purse to semi-compose myself, the vet let me know that for sure his front teeth need to be extracted, possibly more, and the infected pieces of gums need to be removed. It's horrible, I know, but the first thought that flashed through my head was How much is this going to cost?

The first thing I asked, though, was "Well how is he going to eat?" I imagined Tater, toothless, drooling as he tried to nom on some leftover tamale casserole. And the waterworks started again. The vet tried to calm me down, and let me know that dogs don't really need their front teeth at all, and a lot of dogs lose their teeth and they eat just fine. So why even get the surgery, then? Well, turns out that if the infection isn't removed then it can spread into the bloodstream and then into the heart and then HE CAN DIE. Clearly, I really had no options in this. The vet told me she needed to go work out an estimate for the surgery, which of course meant it was going to cost a lot.

In total, it's going to be around $550 (give or take $50 depending on how many teeth they end up removing). So, faithful bloggers, I'm putting up a "Tater Tot the Toothless Wonder" donation button for the next three weeks. Ya, donation buttons can be lame, but y'know what? I'm moving to China and don't really have an disposable income at the moment, so desperate times call for desperate measures. No pressure.

superlatives make my stomach hurt

I know "superlatives" isn't exactly a word you see in your every day life, but every time I do see it I always think it says "superlaxatives". Isn't that weird? "Superlaxatives" isn't even something real, so why do I have such a mental block when it comes to that word? Maybe it's because I was co-in charge of my high school yearbook's superlatives my senior year and I have horrible memories tallying up votes for countless hours.

One of the coordinators for my grad program thought it would be a good idea to create a yearbook for this year's cohort, and of course you can't have a yearbook without having superlatives. The categories were mostly inside jokes (our creepy research professor won "biggest flirt") and I ended up winning "most likely to be stalked by a Chinese man". I guess they have a thing for redheads, which is convenient for me. I had my fingers crossed for "most likely to wrestle a panda bear", but a guy won that one.

temporarily cracked or permanently broken?

Andy asked me to be a guest blogger on her blog this weekend, and since it's titled Life Isn't So Terrible After All, I thought a discussion of relationships would be appropriate. You can also find this on her website.


Relationships are all about ebs and flows. No matter how hard we try, no one can be perfect 24/7, and because of this our relationships will suffer from time to time. It's important to recognize when these bumps in the road are happening, and to evaluate whether your bond with your significant other is temporarily cracked, or permanently broken. And there is a difference. A "hard time" does not necessarily indicate an "impossible time," and the most effective way to measure where you think your relationship is really headed (out of the darkness and into the light, or to splitsville) is to know yourself. Know what you want and need from a relationship. Know the things about yourself that require work in order to make you happy. Know your limits and where you are willing to make sacrifices and compromises, and where you will put your foot down.

And if things just aren't working with someone, and you've tried your best, know when it's time to let go. Being the one to make this decision is not easy by any means. Sure, it gives you the upper hand (whatever that means), and you get to be the "dumper" rather than the "dumped", but there is no denying that breaking up sucks no matter how you slice it. The problem with being the "dumper" in a relationship void of any obvious flaws like emotional/physical abuse or infidelity, is that oftentimes you feel like breaking up is your only option. It's difficult to quantify feeling unappreciated or unsupported, or to put a statistical number to how much effort you put into the relationship versus your lover. So when we find ourselves leaving a partner for these reasons, even if it is our choice, we can still feel rejected, unhappy, and confused.

We wonder what we did wrong to merit such treatment. Why couldn't he just call me every day? Why was it such a battle to get him to support my goals and achievements? What did I do to deserve such emotional neglect? The problem with these questions is they have no answers and the more you think about them, the harder it will be to get over a split with your loved one. There is no true closure when a relationship ends, because no matter how many "Why did this happen to us?" conversations you have with your EX, you never get the answers you want, and usually end up having more than when you started the conversation 3 hours ago (get off the phone, already!).

My advice? Recognize that this relationship is permanently broken, and no amount of conversational glue will put it back together. If you are in the position of "dumper" because you felt unappreciated and emotionally neglected, realize that your partner is not going to change just because you want them to. I am someone that truly believes people can and do change, but a person needs to want to change on their own, not because someone asked them to. If you ask a partner to change and they truly do not think in their heart that they need to change, then they'll stay the same, and maybe even resent you for thinking they need to change.

After a break-up, take time away from talking to your EX. It's easier said than done, but in the end, you cannot continue talking to a lover like nothing has changed when you two are no longer in a relationship. Friendships can often be fostered from failed romantic relationships, but these friendships DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT, happen over night. Spend at least a few weeks not talking to your EX, they are your EX after all and hence should no longer be a huge part of your life. Use this time to work on you, to spend time with friends you didn't get to see a lot because you were in a relationship, and to re-connect with people you haven't talked to in a while (Facebook is great for this).

Every dark cloud has a silver lining. One relationship in your life may be coming to an end, but this gives you a chance to be selfish for once in your life and focus all your energy on yourself rather than a lover, to do things your EX never wanted to do, and to meet new people. When you feel down and out and think you might have made the wrong decision, think of the reasons why you are where you are and try to remember that this is a positive change in your life, even though it might feel hard at times. And then eat a cupcake, they always help.

how to tell if your mother reads your blog

Sure, you could check your visitor stats, but seriously, who has time for that?

The easiest way to tell if your mother reads your blog is to make a post about Playboy Bunnies and then wait three days for this book to coincidentally be sent to you:

I'll let you know how it works out for me. I'm good at pretending to be flirtatious and outgoing (my license plate frame says "Let's get dirty in my 4x4", an impulse county fair purchase four years ago), but in reality I have no idea how to flirt. I think I have actually flirted with men in my life, but I'm never fully aware of when I'm doing it or if they realize I'm trying to flirt with them. In my non-expert opinion, flirting is 60% giggling and 40% touching the guy and saying things like "You're so funny!", perhaps the Bunnies will shed some light on this for me. I wonder if there's a chapter on boob jobs.

Sigh, this post makes me miss Martini even more than I did before. COME BACK!!!

put. down. the. lolcat.

I apologize to anyone who has been a victim of my late-night, not completely sober, LOLcat-ing recently. In my opinion, it's way more awesome than drunk dialing, but also slightly more bizarre. Especially to those people who don't know what LOLcats are. Anyway, I am sorry to those of you who received an image like this posted on your blog or Facebook wall over the weekend:

DRUNK LOLZING
IZ RELAVINT
2 MAI INTRSTS.

WHY SO SERIOUS

Despite having bought our Dark Knight tickets three days early, we still had to wait in line for 2 1/2 hours. It. was. totally. worth. it. Not only did I get to watch sexy Christian Bale with a shirt off for probably an hour of screen time, but the audience was awesome and a bunch of theater employees got really into it and dressed up like characters. This photograph was taken right before we battled to the death:

Clearly, I won. Batman always wins.

Did anyone else noticed Cilian Murphy's 10 second cameo? Is he going to be a major character in a future Batman installment? I hope so!

Also, I need some male input on this, Maggie Gyllenhal is fug, right? I mean, she looks like a troll, doesn't she? I just didn't see her fitting in as a love interest, but then again her predecessor Katie Holmes was in the same league, that is, the not-sexy-chick league. Who do you think would have made a better Rachel? I think Charlize Theron would have been a good pick, maybe Anne Hathaway. Yeah, Anne Hathaway for sure. She has that good girl quality that a Batman love interests need, but is still gorgeous. Or Rachel McAdams! Thoughts?

holy self-indulgent shopping spree, batman!

I am a woman. A 20-something year old, fashion forward, label hungry woman. Which means I'll pretty much use any excuse to go shopping. So, when I made plans with some friends to see Dark Knight tomorrow evening, my mind immediately began to race with all of the fun outfit possibilities. After kicking ass and taking names during my Chinese final this morning (I got an A, thank you), I hopped into my Jeep and raced to the mall, with visions of this shirt in my head:

Seriously, I could not believe they still had some left. I was panicky all day thinking they might have sold out, but they had it, and in a size S, too! It's a men's shirt, so it's still pretty big, but it doesn't matter because it's so cute and topical. I love topical clothing. Who am I kidding, I love all clothing, but I like my graphic tees to be somewhat socially relevant.

I convinced my friends to buy Dark Knight tickets early, which makes me way less anxious about what everyone is projecting will be a CRAZY opening weekend. 9:30 p.m. showing, baby. I'm so excited. I have this weird thing for comic book movies. I'm tempted to use the word "obsession", but I think that might be a little strong, especially since I have never so much as held a real-life comic book. Maybe I just have a thing for buff dudes in tights. Whatever it is, I always go to comic book movies opening weekend (Spiderman 1, 2, and 3 I went to midnight showings) because opening weekend audiences are always so pumped up and psyched to be there. Sometimes they even clap, which I sort of think is really lame, but whatever, it makes me feel more involved with the whole movie-going experience.

In the spirit of milking a sure-thing for as much money as possible, Domino's has introduced a Gotham City Pizza. Basically it's just a normal pepperoni pizza, but they throw around the word "cloak" in their advertisements and slapped on a Batman logo, and presto, you have a Dark Knight pizza. You know I'm ordering one both before and after--maybe during, will they deliver to a movie theater?--the movie. Ultimate nom-age.

let them (read: me) eat cake

I went to Disneyland with my mom and little sister yesterday and sometime between lunch and dinner they forced me to eat this:


By forced I mean they had to follow me through 4 different lands (Tomorrowland, Fantasyland, Adventureland, and Frontierland) until I finally found this adorable but overpriced squiggly concoction of grease and sugar, two minutes before the restaurant closed, no doubt. Okay, so what? you might ask. It's just funnel cake. Well, I "gave up" dessert last month in an effort to live a healthier lifestyle. I still allow myself to eat frozen yogurt, because a life without frozen yogurt is a life that's not worth living, if you ask me, but I have noticed significant changes in my appearances over the past dessert-free month. I have lost 6 pounds without making any other lifestyle changes and have honestly never felt physically better in my life.

However, the universe is a strange thing, and when one thing in your life is going awesome, it is a known fact that something else in your life has to suffer, which is why I absolutely needed that funnel cake yesterday. It actually ended up not being delicious at all, the strawberry topping was insanely sweet and tasted more like strawberry room spray than a strawberry from the earth. But it seemed like an absolute necessity at the time, and actually did provide me with about 15 seconds of pure joy. Which is a lesson we can all learn from: funnel cake, as tempting and necessary as it may seem, will not solve any of your problems. At least not in any long-term sense.

Similar logic kept me from irrationally chopping off my hair, thank gawd. As I was dialing the number to the salon I realized, sure, it would be a big change and make me feel in control of me during a time in my life where I feel particularly not in control, but then I realized I would wake up the next day and recognize that nothing in my life had really changed. Only now I also hated my short hair cut.

breaking up...is sometimes easy

If you live in the Playboy Mansion and happen to be named Hugh Hefner, that is. Can you imagine an environment MORE conducive to getting over a break-up? Because I can't.

How am I supposed to have any faith in love if the bunnies can't even stay together? Incidentally, Kendra was my least favorite Hefner girlfriend, so I'm glad she got the boot (and you all know that's really the issue, not her so called "empire"). It's all about Bridget, UOP alumni unite!

woof woof, chow chow

Way back in April (it's nearly August, people!), I wrote about Martha Stewart's Chow Chow named Paw Paw passing away. The story particularly touched me because I had recently lost a dog, too, and knew the sadness that comes after losing a pet. While I didn't lose any sleep over Martha's loss, I am happy to see that she is going to get a puppy soon! And, to top it off, they're from the same bloodline as Paw Paw! Isn't that precious?

Okay, but seriously, how cute are Chow Chow puppies? They're just like pomeranians, only huge. I've heard they make great guard dogs, too, something which Tater Tot is admittedly not great at being. I mean, he barks, but he also weighs 7 pounds so any intruder could just drop kick him with minimal effort then continue stealing all my great stuff.

happy bastille day!

I have been fortunate enough to actually be in France (and Paris, at that) for several Bastille Day celebrations, and us Americans can talk all the smack we want about the French, but they friggin' know how to throw a party. Fireworks, wine, cheese, pastries...sounds like heaven to me. Check out my favorite cupcake artist Cakespy's Frenchy creation in honor of the holiday:

The Eiffel tower AND cupcakes? Awesome x infinity. If you're friends with me in real life and I have your e-mail address, you've probably been bombarded recently with a slew of SomeEcards because I pretty much think they are the funniest thing ever right now in my life. They're mostly totally random and sarcastic and have crazy pictures that usually don't have anything to do with the text.

To be fair, I don't care about the Fourth of July, either. Ya, I said it.

"are you here to make friends? cause i'm not here to make friends"

This is the best video ever. In the world. I'm not exaggerating.

If you go on to a reality TV show where a prize is involved, you are required to say "I'm not here to make friends" at least once. You'll probably even say it twice, or three dozen times if you're on Flavor of Love (this is flavor of love, not flavor of friendship).

I shared this video with some old high school friends, and one of them came up with a great idea. There should be a reality show where the only goal is to make friends, and if you don't make enough friends, they kick you off. And, at the end, the prize money would be fake, and the judges would say, "Your reward for winning is...all your new friends!" and then they'd punch you in the nuts for being such a moron and going on reality TV.

MY MIND HAS BEEN BLOWN

I have spent 23 years of my life thinking I was an Ox. I was born in 1985 and have been told that was my Chinese astrological sign since we celebrated the Chinese New Year back in preschool. Well, three days ago in my Chinese language class my life was turned upside down when I found out that I'm really a rat. I feel like I have been living a lie the past two decades. I can't believe I never put it together myself. Chinese New Year is in February (or the end of January), so clearly January 2nd counts as the year previous. So, according to the Chinese I was born in 1984, which makes this my year, since 2008 is the year of the rat. No wonder things have been looking up. It's all about the rat, baby.

Interestingly, both of my parents are also rats. My family is just filled with good luck!

In other less exciting news, I broke up with Rod. It was one of those things that was going to happen sooner or later (read: I am moving to China for who knows how long), so well, it happened. Maybe I'll talk about it in more detail some day, but today is not that day.

truer words have never been spoken

"After that it got pretty late, and we both had to go, but it was great seeing Annie again. I... I realized what a terrific person she was, and... and how much fun it was just knowing her; and I... I, I thought of that old joke, y'know, the, this... this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, uh, my brother's crazy; he thinks he's a chicken." And, uh, the doctor says, "Well, why don't you turn him in?" The guy says, "I would, but I need the eggs." Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y'know, they're totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and... but, uh, I guess we keep goin' through it because, uh, most of us... need the eggs."
Woody Allen as Alvy Singer, Annie Hall

I'm hesitant about posting youtube links since my last youtube video of a MadTV Keeping Up With The Kardashians parody has since been removed, but this is my favorite scene from my favorite movie of all time, so I'm going to post it anyway. Plus, the above quote is so much better when you actually hear Woody Allen saying it.



For now, I'm okay without the eggs. They're too high in cholesterol, anyway.